Did you know that losses are twice as potent as their equivalent gains? This psychological concept underpins the idea of “loss aversion,” a cognitive bias that often tests a writer’s will to continue on through the query gauntlet. For some, the cumulative pain of rejections can outweigh the potential gain of snagging that offer, which can be deadly for one’s perseverance.
Wisely, writers will therefore ask, what can I do to stay positive while querying? How do I keep the rejections from making my therapist very rich? Are there psychological tricks that are the equivalent of sticking rejections in a spoonful of peanut butter so I can keep going?
Mercifully, yes. The secret is using a rewards system. While it won’t totally negate the psychological lacerations of rejection, it may even out that 2:1 loss-aversion ratio into one that’s at least tolerable. You’ll find that using rewards will flip the script in your brain from “I’m further from my goal” to “I’m one pass closer to my next reward!” That difference matters in preserving your perseverance.
For myself, I created query-pass punch cards, where every fifth rejection equaled a burrito (you could pay me to do almost anything in carne asada burritos; I’m not even joking). I made a few versions of the punch cards; feel free to use/distribute these as you wish! You can print these on 3×5” index cards or simply cut them out of a regular sheet of paper.
The Typewriter
The Sci-Fi Writer
The Positive Go-Getter
Now, some people have zero problem picking what treats to reward themselves with, but if you’re a reluctant self-rewarder like me, sometimes it’s hard to figure out what will bump up your dopamine without sabotaging your bank account or dietary goals. Here’s a list of 35 ideas for small rewards, ranging anywhere from free to around $15.
- A book / ebook / audiobook
- A miniature for your TTRPG
- An indie game on sale on Steam
- A decadent bubble bath
- A new box of tea or bag of coffee to try
- Fancy-smancy bookmarkers
- A small potted plant (flower, herb, succulent, etc.)
- A fashionable collar for your pet (we know this is really for you, anyway)
- A piece of jewelry or bling for your wardrobe
- A graphic tee
- A mug with your moodboard printed on it
- A box of gum
- A candy bar
- A weird fruit you’ve never tried (e.g., dragonfruit)
- Your favorite coffee shop beverage
- Stickers for your water bottle/laptop
- A bird feeder
- A seed packet for your garden
- A set of nice pens
- A new notebook
- A puzzle
- A month of music/streaming
- A daytrip to your favorite local nature spot
- Art supplies
- A new hand lotion
- A small decoration for your writing desk
- A night of binging your favorite show
- A new spice for your spice rack
- A postcard-sized art print
- Another addition to whatever weird thing you collect
- A donation to a cause you love
- A keychain
- Something from the Discord shop
- New dice for your TTPRG
- $5-15 shopping spree at a yard sale
And in case you’re the type who needs to hear this: Do not feel guilty for using a rewards system. Anything that motivates you to keep querying and persevering to achieve your dream is productive. Just keep your rewards within a reasonable cost/calorie range and you’ll be fine.
Now that you have a rewards system in place, you can look forward to that next query reply email, because even if it is bad news, you’re now one more pass closer to your next carne asada burrito.